Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
