Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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