Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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