im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
