Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
