Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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