im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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