Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
