when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize