Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
