I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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