And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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