I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
