i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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