I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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