im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
