Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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