I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize