I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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