My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
