did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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