i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
