his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
