My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
