dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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