Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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