i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
