Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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