three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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