i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
