names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I love having hate sex.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
