One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
