The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
