Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
