Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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