i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's rum buckets o'clock
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
