Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
