my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
