so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
