Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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