i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
