"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
