he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
