he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
