My Higher Power is John Stamos
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
