'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
