I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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