do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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