you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
