i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
