i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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