Do you still have your period?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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