Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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