I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
