Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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