I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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