So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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