pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
How does it feel to date your dad?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
