3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
