College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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