Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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