Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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