i barfeds in our rink
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
