I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
