Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
