ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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