a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
