batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize