just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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