You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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