How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
