where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
