I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
