Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
