i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
