this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
