Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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