she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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