Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
