It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
