I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
