I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Fuck appropriateness.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
