i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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