its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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